DISCUSS“When you are listening to another but planning your own agenda at the same time, you are really talking to yourself and therefore not truly listening”

DISCUSS“When you are listening to another but planning your own agenda at the same time, you are really talking to yourself and therefore not truly listening”

The below assignment has been written by another student. Please read it very carefully and reply to it by providing at least 150-200 meaningful words, APA format, at least one in-text cite and from at least one resource. Textbook Carbonell, M. (2008). How to solve the people puzzle: Understanding personality patterns – With online profile code. Blue Ridge, GA: Uniquely You Resources. ISBN: 9781888846447. Petersen, J. C. (2007). Why don’t we listen better? Communicating & connecting in relationships. Tigard, OR: Petersen Publications. ISBN: 9780979155901. Stewart, J. (2012). Bridges not walls: A book about interpersonal communication (11th ed.). Boston, MA: McGraw-Hill Publishing Company. ISBN: 9780073534312. Thanks (Lisa)

I have found that in one degree or another, all of our reading has been beneficial in helping my communication. However, one particular point made in our reading assignments hit me like a ton of bricks. Stewart (2012) states, “When you are listening to another but planning your own agenda at the same time, you are really talking to yourself and therefore not truly listening” (p. 190). My life is crazy busy! I always have much to accomplish, and as an ISC personality blend: deadlines are very important (Carbonell, 2008). I feel as though everything I do is rushed, including my communication with others. , I can look someone right in the eyes, but I not always fully listening. Burley-Allen (1995) pegged me to a tee when she states, “Some people fake attention. They pretend to listen when their minds are actually off on a flashing tangent” (p. 60). My brain is always in overdrive. I wasn’t fake listening to be inconsiderate or because I didn’t care about what the other person had to say, I realized that I just didn’t slow down and put my responsibilities on the shelf long enough to enough to enjoy communication anymore. If I’m honest about it, not even my communication with God.

I told my husband a while ago that God was pretty quiet in my life, lately. It was after he gave me a strange look, that I had another epiphany. It wasn’t God who was quiet, it was me not listening! I knew that I needed to take measures to not only improve my communication with God, but with all people.

One of the first things I did was take Burley-Allen’s (1995) Communicating Knowledge and Attitudes self-evaluation. After I failed miserably, I wrote down my affirmations on the following exercise. I wanted to become a communicator who can “focus on ‘Ours’”, and to “…experience mindfulness…” (Stewart, 2012, p. 202, 189).

To that end, I’ve been working on forcing my brain to shut everything else off, and concentrate on what is between me and the person I’m in conversation with. In addition, I have learned to incorporate reflecting skills such as paraphrasing and adding an example from my own experiences to demonstrate the point the speaker was making (Stewart, 2012).

It isn’t always easy. From time to time, I still find my mind wandering off to responsibilities I still have to accomplish before I collapse in bed; but it is working! I’m feeling a deeper connection to others. I can see the how the verbal’s and non-verbal’s of the other are appreciating my full presence in our communication. I can see a difference in my communication and walk with God!

Psalm 46:10 states, “…be still and know that I am God…” (New International Version). As I remain still in my communication with God, tuning out all other distractions, I can hear Him once again! I feel that I am a better servant. Galatians 6:2 commands, “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ” (NIV). I couldn’t carry anyone’s burden if I wasn’t mindfully present to hear what they were! I believe that the God given people skills I possess being an ISC (Carbonell, 2008) have been greatly enhanced by what I have learned thus far, and I look forward to continue working on my communication skills to enlarge the conversation!

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